I found my pink press-on nail under the coffee table that must have fallen off during one of the many swings of the baseball bat I delivered to the back of Jake’s head.

 

Oh, how satisfying it had felt to deliver those slights with every cracking blow to his skull: Unfaithful—Bang—Liar—Thwack—Cheater—Thunk—Two-timer—Crack—Player—Crunch—Fuckboy—Splat!

​

I washed the blood from my hands and face in the sink and cleaned anything else I might have touched. Since I’d spent the night in this apartment every weekend for the past three months, my fingerprints would be all over the place, and decided wiping down the bat would
suffice.

 

Jake lay face down on the floor, his blood soaking into the white carpet like a paper towel commercial showing their product’s incredible absorption power. I stepped around him, careful to avoid the mess, got on all fours, and crawled under the table. As I plucked my fallen nail between my fingers, the tabletop vibrated above my head.

 

Jake’s phone was ringing.

 

I sat up on my knees and peered at the screen—Katie.

 

 I tapped the answer icon, pressed the speaker button, and said, “Hello?”

 

“Uh, hi,” Katie said, hesitant at the sound of a woman’s voice. “Who’s this?”

 

“This is Lisa,” I lied.

 

“Is Jake there?”

 

“He’s left the building.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“You must be the lucky girl I’ve heard so much about,” I said, and to ease her apprehension, added, “I’m his cousin.”

 

“Oh!” she said, her voice pleasant now. “Yes, I suppose I am. Jake’s never mentioned you—Lisa, was it?”

 

“Can I take a message and let him know when I see him?”

 

Katie sighed. “Well, the thing is, I know where he’ll be. He’s going upstate for the weekend to a friend’s house, and I was supposed to go with him. Then something came up, and then it didn’t, and I was hoping to catch him before he left.”

 

“Well, Katie, you’re in luck. It turns out I’m also going upstate for the weekend. Jake’s already hit the road. I just stopped by to grab his cell for him before I was on my way.”

 

“Jake didn’t mention anyone else was coming,” she said, still sounding bubbly, but slightly questionable.

 

“You could hitch a ride with me if you’d like.”

 

“Oh! That would be great! If it’s not an imposition for you.”

 

“Tell me where you are, and I’ll come snatch you up.”

 

She gave me her address, then said, “Do you know how to get to Jake’s friend’s place? I don’t have the directions since the plan was to ride up with Jake.”

  

“Sure do. Are you all set now?”

 

“I can be ready in thirty.”

 

“See you then.”

 

After I hung up, I cleaned the phone and grabbed a knife from the kitchen since the bat was too big to take. Then I slipped my press-on nail into my pocket, blew a kiss goodbye to Jake, and went outside while typing the lucky girl’s address into my GPS.

​

A native of upstate New York, Devin James Leonard prefers the countryside over cities, and animals over humans. When he isn’t writing or devouring books, he’s likely walking with his dog or throwing paint on canvases. His favorite word is urchin, though he’s never used it in a sentence. His published stories can be found on Instagram @devinjamesleonard